as I and a group from Facebook are journeying through the book of psalms for the month of June, I am really being burned, stretched, challenged, wrecked, lifted, humbled…the list could go on and on.

I am finding the most of our Christian life has been spent in a program driven mentality. Churches offer so many programs that take up so much time, that instead of pushing the word or presence of God, we now know how to manage sin, addiction, divorce, children or work through program driven supplements.

But I am finding and seeking the presence driven. When was the last time we went to a program or event and just waited for the presence of the Lord? No songs with lights. No worked out skit. No topic driven speech. Just waiting.
Would we even know what it felt like?
Do we honestly think that the little goose bumps are his presence? I think they could be a small tiny taste, but it appears that his presence changes you. It changes your prospective, your appearance, your thoughts, your compassion –
His presence caused the atmosphere to change, causing the people to go lower, and lower still..

He is the high and lofty one whose name is Holy. He is high. He is lofty. I am not.

In the program age, we try to bring the Holy and lofty one into the muck and mire with us, while all this time He as been trying to lift us up from the pit, from the miry clay. Yet we are clinging to the slimy mud telling the Lofty One, we have a program to finish.

We need a revival of the heart. A revival of our spirit.

am literally shaking after reading today – the Word of God is so powerful so consuming.
If I start with proverbs 4 and work backward – it really blows your mind.
God Gives us sound teaching – (his word) and tells us to watch over our heart/mind with all diligence for from it flows the springs of life. How ? by keeping your eyes forward (set on him) looking straight ahead (into the eyes of the father) not swerving – (many will try to sway you away to other things)
But what …if we took it seriously and prayed prayers like Psalm 20 – with passion and intensity – be reminded by 19 that the teaching of the Lord in perfect – so when I focus on His teaching (word) it creates the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart/mind to be acceptable and pleasing to my rock and redeemer.
 Are we adoring Him with all our strength as in 18, proclaiming Him our strength, fortress, rescuer, rock, shield, mighty champion, haven – wow…what a way to begin prayer and praise !
When I see him as those attributes, then 17 comes into play – I see his faithfulness on display – I see his wonderous deedes – I see myself as the apple of his eye – hiding in the shadow of his wings.
I see and understand 16 that I am ever mindful of the Lord’s presence.
And in His presence I find perfect joy. I find the delights that are in His hand.
Can you see how this changes us? how we see God? how we pray ?
 totally shaking

What if we actually took God as His word and He became our teacher ?
What if we focused straight ahead on Him and His promises and power to fill us, to know him, be taught by His Holy Spirit
So far I am seeing that what I need to know comes from knowing Him.
Is it possible that we keep inventing events and conferences to find out how to do things when we really only need to do the one thing that no one wants to do ?
focus our eyes on him, the only teacher that can teach truth
the only teacher that fills me with his words so that I can speak the words he gives me – isn’t that prophecy?
isn’t that prayer ?
not telling God what I think, but speaking His words so that my heart aligns with His?
and doesn’t it all come back to the beginning of psalms 1, being planted in Him, so that I produce fruit in any season – because He is the fruit giver ?

I need this passion and intensity in me , in my prayer life, I need this acknowledgement of who He is – everyday – I adore you Lord – my haven, my mighty champion

In this journey for the month of June – we are reading 5 psalms a day and 1 proverb.
it is undoing me. wrecking me
today especially
He is asking Where?
His gaze searches mankind to seek out the righteous
The upright shall behold His face
We ask
How long will I suffer
How long is this going to take
How long – wahhh
He is seeking – where?
Do you trust me with all your heart
Do you trust me in My faithfulness
Will you exalt in MY deliverance (not your own solution-ouch)
Do you remember what I have done for you
The Lord looks down to find a man or understanding
a man mindful of God
we respond
I want to dwell in Your tent
I want to dwell in Your holy mountain
He responds
be without blame
acknowledge My truth
then you will not be shaken
His word is pure
He guards his word to every generation
so, that path is always going to be the same.
He is searching
He is seeking
looking for those that even in the midst of the “how long will it seem like the enemy is winning” will trust in His faithfulness and deliverance.
looking for those who will sing in the trial
worship in the ‘length’ of it
remember He has been good to me
remember the testimonies of what He has done
Will he find us faithful?
will he find us understanding?
will he find us seeking?

I find myself grieved this morning as I read the local news.
a young woman jumped from a parking garage to her death.
several fatal shootings.
a local pastor happy, glad and willing to perform same sex marriage.

just kind of sitting here thinking what is going on?

all this while we keep planning events to learn how witness, or find joy or dance to the latest worship hit –
this is going on right outside the door

I am concerned that churches don’t see the difference between same sex marriage and a biblical marriage.
the argument that we all deserve the chance to love someone and marry them.
well, I love my cat, does she deserve to be taken care of the same way?
what if I die, who will make sure she gets her shots?
what about the man who lives children, is he allowed to now marry one  ? do what he wants – all in
the name of love?

How can you take do not steal, do not kill, do not murder (all from the bible) and they are laws now in government, and drop the marriage one?
they are all from the same portion of scripture

is it possible we have no idea what Love is?
who Love is?
have we lived such perverted love lives that we have reduced love to this?

what has happened to us?

so I am grieved

thinking of the girl who just lost her life
thinking of my cousin, whose husband took his life
thinking of those being led to believe that love makes it ok to do whatever you want

yet we keep having events and rallies and lights and stages

so I am grieved

I have been challenged by a book I was reading that talked about how Billy Graham would read 5 psalms a day to know how to get along with God, and 1 proverb a day to know who to get along with others.

So I decided that I want to increase my prayer and worship life, but saturating in the psalms for the summer. Beginning June 1 I am inviting you to join me in seeking God through His word, to grow in prayer, in discipleship and in worship. The only way to know more of God is to read who He is – and psalms is the place to begin.

I hope you join us !

you can join or link in on facebook ! https://www.facebook.com/events/259209677600500/

nothing. NOthing. I am beginning to see who much of nothing I am, how much of No thing can I do apart from the constant filling of the presence of Jesus.
I am praying and singing to give Him everything – but do I really mean it ?
What if when He asks, it is during my favorite tv show?
What if when He asks, I am in the midst of some shopping excursion to find – really nothing.
What if when He asks, I am at my weakest possible spiritual state of being.

Do I really mean it

I am ready to give up everything for nothing

Jesus caused His disciples to live in a constant state of being saturated in His presence. They knew nothing else – No thing did they do, but to be constantly in His presence. He created them to crave His very presence. He created them to be addicted to His presence, which was the presence of the Holy Spirit.

He caused them to never do “nothing” without the presence or the Holy Spirit.

I am constantly doing nothing with nothing.

I want to be addicted to His presence to the point that all my nothings add up to an incredible journey of everything and anything

I want my everything to become NOthing

His everything is my goal. my desire

No good thing will he withhold from those who seek Him

it is time to become nothing

Yesterday morning as I opened the prayer room, I walked back to the kitchen area to make some prayer fuel (coffee) and as I turned back to the main prayer room, there was this sweet gentleman standing there. “I stop by every Friday morning, but no one is ever here! I am so glad you are here ! I need some prayer 1”
This sweet fella was disabled, rides the bus himself and was feeling so stressed over some things going on in his life. We prayed. And then He stayed. When he was getting up to go meet his bus he told me – you know if you were open more, you could pray with more people. We (so there are many others) stop by here while waiting for the bus, but the room is always closed?
I am working on that I told him honestly, and asked him to pray for laborers to come and stand in the gate to pray.
My heart sank a little as I feel the burden of having this amazing prayer room, and not enough laborers or staff or prayer missionaries to keep the doors open.
It happen again. Last night.
Brian and I were in praying for the city, nation, families, marriages, soaking in the word, when in walks this beautiful woman and she stops just inside the door. She turns looks at some of our cards laying there, turns again towards me, and I get up and ask her “did you want some information and do you need help with anything?”
She looks at me and tells me some of the story of her life, how her daughter has come to the prayer room and told her mom that she needs to come. But every time they stop by, no one is ever there. Tonight -” I just saw the lights on and I don’t know why I really came in, but I felt like I just wanted to see.”
We began to talk, cry and pray. God really moved on both of us as we just offered up our lives to him, she was searching and God was giving
It was such a beautiful time, but again after she left, my heart felt heavy again. So many keep coming to receive prayer, and we don’t have enough help to keep the doors open.
So to be honest I am trying not to be frustrated, but twice in one day, people who are hurting and searching are coming the prayer room on duke street, to find God and peace and someone just to love on them. These aren’t going to go to a huge event and the old model of street evangelism isn’t working – so my heart is begging God – where are the laborers?
So I am asking you; where are the laborers?

and you probably are too.
have you noticed how everyone is trying desperately to become someone else ..all from pinterest?
we try to use someone else’s creative spirit to become them. to pin and make our lives just like theirs’
we base our love lives on the pictures of pinterest
we kids are now judged by the cuteness of activities on pinterest
our parenting comes from piniterest. are you doing the latest craft to entertain your kids?
the latest recipe to enthrall your family? have you noticed that none of them turn out like the original?

could it be that you were never created to follow?
you were always meant to be you.
the creative you.
In the beginning God created….
you were never meant to copy something from pinterest and try to make that your life.
you were always meant to create what is in you, to be an original.

If we don’t have our houses look like the pinterest version, we fail
If we don’t have the latest ‘thrift’ find for juice glasses, we fail
If our love life doesn’t look like the Hollywood pictures, we judge love, we fail
and heaven forbid we cease the competition for best pinterest wedding.
what happened to original?

Who told you, you were ‘naked’..isn’t this the original mocking of the enemy of our souls?
Who told you, you have to be clothed in pinterest?
honestly – the recipes rarely work
the kid advice only works on ‘that’ child it was made for
trust me
I tried
we are all original, created to be creative

please just think about it
pray about it
I don’t care if you keep pinning
but that isn’t your life
you
were
made
for
so
much
more

I feel a re-new happening in my spirit. I feel like a re-launch has happened or is happening. I am excited to go deeper in prayer, deeper in studying the Word, studying and looking to Jesus.
This has been a year where much was taken and lost. My mom passed away, my health and body from accident and grief, seeing others go through intense pain and struggle…but I feel a resurgence. A revival within. A pushing into, violently going after that which we already posses by faith. So my challenge and this post is about joining me. Become part of the Relaunch that will Release into the deeper things…believing and pushing into new levels, new completions, new faith, miracles and power.
You can join me as I read through the Bible and study, Come to the School of Prayer with City Gate Lancaster, take a prayer watch at City Gate Prayer Room. Re-Launch into Re-lease !
will you join me ?

I haven’t blogged for awhile. Not because I didn’t want to. But I just couldn’t. I tried. But after my mom passed away, I have been finding it hard to write, let alone do other things. But I miss it. I miss sharing with you what God is teaching me, showing me and doing in me. 

This morning, I find it hard to hear the quiet. Snow is falling and it is so quiet. It falls so gently, so peacefully, so perfectly pure. But God is telling me, this is how he covers us with his love. Gently. Peacefully. Purely.

As I sit here surrounded by white lights on my Christmas tree, I am taking it all in. All the love, all the lessons, all the quiet. My prayer lately has been from Job: “God don’t leave me – I will go through whatever you want for me, just please don’t leave me”.

You see, there are times in our lives when things just don’t seem like they should. And not because we are in sin. We are actually pressing in. Pressing in to His Word, His presence, His promises. But yet, you find yourself pressing but no press back, no presence, promises seem unfulfilled. These are the times the quiet seems overwhelming. Almost deafening. So I sit here, listening, believing and knowing how loved I am in the midst of all of it.

It’s almost like living in the Song of Solomon experience. Are we in this life just because He is beautiful. When someone asks us “Who is He more than others?”, what do we respond? I want to be like the shulamite. In the midst of things just not seeming to be as they should, I want you to hear how much I love His eyes, flames of fire, His feet, His hair that is white as whole, His hands, His glory and majesty. He covers me with Him, this is love. He is love. He covers me with this. I don’t want to just tell you what He has done for me, and it is awesome! But I want you to know Him. Because He is altogether lovely and perfect. 

So today as we watch the snow falling so majestically, remember He doesn’t leave us, even if things do not seem as they should.