I wrote this after my brother’s murder on November 11, 2019.

2019 ended and I was forced to move into 2020, but felt so lonely in a room full of people, underwater looking up but not hearing anything. My husband asked me “where is the disconnect coming from” and God began to speak to me:

 

I’ve been running on adrenaline

trying to find the peace deep within

but grief and pain have caused a block

and made my heart want to stop

I can hear you calling

calling out my name

through the grief, through the pain

to rise up higher

look up here

search for me, Don’t live in fear

 

I (God) will always find you

and I (God) will call out your name

through the haze and crying

I’m still the one whose trying

to find you in the quiet

and give you all my peace

and love you so completely

to draw you after me

 

Come my child

come sit with me

give me your sadness

all your misery

 

take my love, my blood, my heart

and wrap yourself in me

I am your healing and your rest

I give you all of Me